All Write, Already!

Screw that shit, that growing up shit, that growing older rag where the knees get weak the eyes dim and the back hurts when you roll your eye balls from side to side, YES, sometimes it’s just that easy to upset a bad back! Screw this growing older madness where people can break your heart and break your spirits and have a go at your self esteem just because they can, and because of the specter of poise and civility, which is held to you after a certain age, you’re just supposed to eat these things without some sort of emotional reaction, which, yes, perhaps can cause you to burn down a church (frowned upon, by the way) but would also alleviate a lot of the negation and the un-fulfillment you are suffering from. All these things are factors in growing up, all these things are standards of being an elder statesman, a fountain head, a pillar of your bullshit community.

The larger, more off putting, aspect of maturing, fine wine aging, settling, as it were, into your slow and steady ruin, is that you’re at the elevated position to see and take stock, unequivocally, of just how little all the other so-called adults are behaving around you! Now what the fuck is all that about?

From the moment I hatched I got hit in the head for everything. Hit in the head for bad grammar, for bad thoughts, for selfishness, for tyrannical tendencies (don’t think kids are capable of this? Stake out your local playground! Do this artfully or an aspect of pedophiliac stalking might be ascribed to you as you sit and study adult larva in their natural habitat. You don’t want none O’ that business! Earth tones, people, appealing attire is preferred, no long coats or dark colored glasses! HEED ME ON THIS!) I was hit for not listening, not falling in line, not aspiring to be the best I could be. Clearly none of these other fully grown cretins around me were hit, or even tapped a bit too hard when they made one or all of these many faux pas against the serenity of common living. Adults are ruder today, more greedy, more selfish, more self absorbed and entitled than ever the kids on the playgrounds were! Remember the social disaster that were playgrounds, people? Remember how we paired off, how we broke down our numbers into groups starting with the stronger to the weaker? Remember not knowing how to pronounce political correctness, much less living beneath its oppressive thumb? Remember playgrounds?!!! Be you one of the lucky ones or one of the down trodden you fucking remember the profound experience that were playgrounds! NOW FATHOM THAT REAL WORLD ADULTS TODAY ARE WORSE THAN THE KIDS BACK THEN?!!!

Screw this shit, this growing up! What the hell is it for, to get old and rickety and unable to even sit or stand when you want without howling in pain? To not be able to drive anymore, to not be able to walk up the stairs in your own home, to be confined in a bed room while your mewling, good for nothing freeloading family has the run of your house, pillaging and ransacking and gnawing and scraping and stealing you blind as you diminish slowly away to nothingness on what you now suddenly realize is your own fucking death bed. And no, you don’t fade out peacefully into some romanticized spiritual beyond like Yoda! You explode into shriveled limbs and cracked flesh like Dracula.

Fuck that shit, because it’s an end, it’s THE end, it’s being put out to pasture, it’s being moved aside, it’s being marginalized, categorized, stigmatized as something in the way, something burdening, inconvenient. After you work your ass off to elevate the world to the heights it has reached you are suddenly too incompetent to continue cranking the wheel of progress and now you will unceremoniously be moved on down the bench.

That’s what it means to be getting old, that’s what growing up is, that’s why no one likes it.

            Remember to call your Grandma if you haven’t done so this week. She misses you!