Friday, August 18, 2006
Oh, I'm going to post, all right.
This is going to be the best post you ever read. It's going to make your heart skip a beat. No, it's going to make your heart skip two beats. No, five! Twelve! It's going to make you cry. It's going to make you laugh. It's going to make you beg for more. This post will be the highest-grossing blockbuster post of the summer. It will be awesome, tubular and radical. It will be happy to validate your parking. This post will only have one glass of wine with dinner and never drink to excess. It will diligently work out every day of the week. This post will scratch the places you can't reach, if you ask it nicely. It will make your father love you more and make your mother approve of your spouse. It will pay off your student loan debt. This post will be rated FDA pregnancy category B and not be expected to be harmful to an unborn baby, but you should tell your doctor if you are pregnant or plan to become pregnant during the reading of this post. Though other broadcasters in your area will still need to conduct a test of the emergency broadcast system, this post will be exempt because of its awesomeness, so you will not have to hear the attention signal unless there is an actual emergency. When threatened, this post will expand in size, and exude a soporific substance that will allow it to escape from predators. This post will be able to recite pi to at least 400 places, from memory. It's going to become the next president of the United States. It will be a good source of fiber, calcium, and vitamin C. This post will read every book by every author, and compile a list of the ones you'd like, color coding them by genre. This post will raise the dead and turn them into foot soldiers in its unholy army, which it will mobilize against any enemy you choose. This post will stay crunchy in milk. This post will shoot lasers from its eyes that will reduce its targets to smoking ruins. This post will be made of the highest quality chocolates imported from Belgium. This post will use its political clout to

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Posted by Jess at 8/18/2006 11:16:00 AM ::

1 Comments:

Blogger Will C W III said...
Ignoring, for the moment, that if you're currently becomming pregnant, but are still able to read a post, you are probably doing something wrong...

This post is, in fact, the awesome. I can feel my cholesteral level lowering just by reading it, and also my poker winnings last night nearly tripled as a result of this post being made.

My name is William Walker, and I approve of this post.
Saturday, August 19, 2006 8:12:00 AM  

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