Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Me right around now...

Loneliness, is a highly infectious contagion. In truth, please do not be fool, it’s the idea overload for the senses, the thought of a utopian end, some kind of tranquil majesty to dwell in, reside in a glow of nurturing warmth. It is absurd! Loneliness affects everything, it effects everything. The inescapable monster, the relentless hunter killer, It closes your eyes to an encouraging brightness that just cannot be detected or seen anymore, not when it hits, not when it owns you. I have been alone for years, but I am lonely now for the first time, sorrowful, pathetic, self contemplative in the worse ways imaginable. I am down on myself and all things, I am feeling empty and hopeless with butterflies in the stomach that stop me from feeding, which might help me feel better. It’s rock bottom, but a bottom you cannot see or hear to taste or touch or push away from.
Good lord I am sick of this place, I am sick to death of this despair, I am sick to death of this half life lived while watching the full on living as they burn brighter in their greatest blunders than I ever will at my greatest triumphs. I’m sick to death of Just going along, just getting along, skirting the edges of disaster with no chance of breaking away for good. What is the goddamned point? No one can tell you. They just sit and nod and commiserate and revel in the fact that they’re not required to dispel any myths or rumors or produce any solutions because there technically are no generalized solutions. No one can repair your despair, no one can cure loneliness, no one can give you hope. Since I have nothing left I’ll leave you with nothing at all. If you failed to identify with any and all of this then you’re in a better place, and maybe you’re a better person, and maybe you’ll be lucky to never have the idea overload of prosperity and grace be revealed for what it really is. Maybe you’ll never catch the highly infectious contagion that is the lingering, creeping, grief for a life not at all realized…

Call your mom! ;)
Posted by Unknown at 10/10/2012 04:11:00 PM ::


Blogger Lacey said...
I identify with far too much of this, thanks for sharing it. Also, I love the way you ended it :)
Friday, October 12, 2012 7:48:00 AM  

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