All Write, Already!

How to survive a CGD (Charles Grodin Day):

Try to remember to carry a screwdriver, so that when the doorknob comes off in your hand, you can use it to fiddle with the mechanism inside the door and open it. Do not attempt to repair the doorknob assembly, as stripping of the screws is the certain result.

Keep your cell phone and/or pager in your pocket rather than clipped to your belt, to prevent droppage into a toilet or woodchipper.

When your toast burns, be certain that you are well grounded when you try to retrieve the charred bread. The sparks that fly out of the toaster at you are not likely to hurt you, but the electric current will.

Don't wear nice clothing, because even if the car coming down the street in your direction fails to splash the dirty puddle water all over you, the large friendly dog from next door will knock you down, probably into that same dirty puddle. Do however wear long sleeves and pants, because if there is no dirty puddle nearby, the dog will knock you into a patch of poison ivy or a rosebush.

Keep band-aids and calamine lotion handy. The reasons for this should be apparent.

Learn to recognize a CGD as quickly as possible. Damage can be kept to a minimum if, upon recognition of a CGD, you cancel all appointments and go back to bed. Do not under any circumstances attempt to resolve any problems that crop up during the CGD! Any attempt to repair a CGD situation during the CGD will result in a series of events that will be embarrassing, painful, and at least mildly amusing to others.