All Write, Already!

I take things.

I don't just mean that I compulsively steal things, like kleptomaniacs... or that I take things I need, like, um... Jean Valjean or whatever... I mean, I take things in order to make them be not there for you.

Ok, so it's slightly sociopathic. There are much worse things I could be doing. I could be selling drugs to kids, or killing homeless people, or driving drunk... but instead, I make your life inconvenient. Heh. I get a little thrill right now just thinking about it.

So, next time you're at the supermarket shopping for Totino's frozen party pizzas, if every variety exists except for the canadian bacon ones that you want, you know who to blame. Next time you go to the cabinet to get a bar of soap for your shower only to find nothing but the empty wrapper for the 8-pack of family-sized Ivory bars, curse my name as you lather your body up with shampoo instead. And the next time you're running late because you can't find your car keys, make sure to check your fuel gauge when you finally break down and use your spare set, because I may just have siphoned out all but enough gas to get you out to the highway.

Hmmm. I think tomorrow morning I'll go head to the library and check out all the copies of that expensive text book you were hoping to find. G'night!