All Write, Already!

I'm of two minds about sleeping. Before bed, I don't want to sleep. I feel like it's a waste of time that could be spent reading, or watching some movie or television program, or writing, or beading, or playing with my cats, or whatever. When it's time to wake up, I want to be asleep. I hit snooze as many times as my husband will allow, going back into my dream to complete some important quest or other.

I sleep on my stomach, one leg tucked upward. I guess you could call it the Captain Morgan position. I usually have pillow wrinkles on the side of my face that corresponds with the untucked leg.

When I sleep, I grow feathers on my elbows. I've never witnessed it myself - because I'm always asleep when it happens - but I have it on reliable authority that this is indeed the case. I'm not sure exactly why my body finds it necessary to sprout feathers while I sleep, and then spontaneously retract them without a trace before I awaken, but I think it may have something to do with dreams about flying.

I snore when I sleep. I snore so badly that my husband frequently has to flee to the couch. Or maybe the feather thing weirds him out. I can't really blame him either way.

Every murder I've ever committed has happened while I was asleep. My sleep personality is very, very testy, and has lots of enemies. Well, it has fewer enemies now than before, I guess.

That crusty stuff in the corners of your eyes is also called "sleep." Odd, huh?

I wanted to use my sleeping hours to do something useful, so that time wouldn't be wasted, so I played some learn-a-foreign-language audio tapes. It failed. I lost a lot of sleep, and the only phrases I learned were "Qapla'," "qurgh vIparHa'," and "QuchwIj yIyach."

My husband can drink any amount of caffeinated beverage and go to sleep. Weird.