Thursday, February 03, 2005
Since No Topic Has Been Posted...
This is an assignment for creative writing class I just finished. The goal is to communicate information about a character without stating it directly.

Bill came in the door of the convenience store and asked the clerk where the Electrasol was, raising the corners of his mouth as he did so. It was most efficient to make a good impression on everyone, unless he had a reason for doing otherwise. He went to the third aisle from the door, lowering the corners of his mouth only when his back was fully turned from the clerk. The clerk had pointed to a spot halfway down the aisle, two feet from the bottom and had said "right over there," which meant that that was where the Electrasol was. Bill was very upset when the Electrasol was not there. He did not scream or move about, as this would provoke a negative reaction from the clerk. Screaming and moving about would provoke a negative reaction from almost anyone.

He needed Electrasol. The grocery store didn't have Electrasol. The man at the grocery store showed him where the Jet Dry was, and showed him where the Cascade was, but did not show him where the Electrasol was. He went home and called every store in order of increasing distance from his house. He had been told that there was Electrasol in this store. He had been told that it was in the third aisle from the door, halfway down, two feet from the bottom. It wasn't.

Sometimes when something wasn't there, he could make another person get it for him. Sometimes they lied about where something was, but would bring it to him themself* if he told them that it was not there. He would make the clerk bring him Electrasol.

Bill walked back to the front counter. "Hi," he said in the correct tone of voice, "I'm having a little trouble finding it..."

"No problem," said the friendly clerk. Bill didn't know the clerk was friendly, but he knew that that tone of voice meant that he would get the Electrasol for Bill.

The clerk was just coming out from behind the counter when a man came in the door fast and took a gun out of his pocket. "GimmethemoneygimmeTHEMONEY!" the man shouted at the clerk, who went back behind the counter and opened the cash register. Bill was very upset, and wanted to scream and move about. But people didn’t do what he wanted when he screamed and moved about.

"Hi," said bill to the man, in the correct tone of voice. He raised the corners of his mouth.

"Get on the floor, GET THE FUCK DOWN!" said the man. It was hard for Bill to read the man's face with the mask on. Bill wanted to scream and move about.

In the back of his mind, Bill made a calculation and went down on one knee. It was a submissive posture, but having one knee raised communicated activeness, and that made people listen more. People did not like having guns pointed at them. If Bill could get the man to stop pointing the gun at the clerk, then lots of people would react positively to him. Also, maybe Bill could make the man bring him Electrasol.

Bill had read lots of books about hostage negotiation. He should start by building rapport. "My name is Bill," Bill said calmly and firmly, "what's yours?"

The clerk handed the man a plastic bag filled with dollars. The man looked down at Bill and let out a little exhalation sound that Bill did not recognize as a laugh. "Huhh," said the man, "fuck you, crazy bitch!" He hit Bill with the gun and left.

Bill was on the floor. He needed Electrasol. He began to scream and move about.

*This usage deliberately made in support of transitioning "they" and its forms into common usage as singular neuter pronouns. Fight the power!

Posted by Anonymous at 2/03/2005 01:29:00 PM ::

0 Comments:


Post a Comment