All Write, Already!

I was stage managing a play, and one of the actors was a young early-20s guy who confided in me that he was becoming enamored of the slightly-older-than-he woman who volunteered on Friday nights at the theater's concession stand.

"So, ask her out," I said.

"I can't. I'm nervous and I don't know what to say," he said.

"What?" I exclaimed. "You're an actor. You're not allowed to be nervous. You're also not allowed to not know what to say."

"But I don't have a script," he complained.

So I gave him an old Acting 101 homework assignment. "Go into the prop room, and grab the first thing you see. Then find something else that matches it. These are the props you'll use in your scene. Then, write a play with less than 30 words that enable you to use both props," said I.

He wandered off in the direction of the prop room. Five minutes later, I saw him emerge, wearing a giant Pirate's Hat with a scruffy, half-un-stuffed stuffed Parrot roughly tied to his shoulder with a red bandana.

With a look of determination, he headed towards the concession stand. I followed, and as I emerged from backstage I heard him exclaim to the girl...

"Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr ya doing anything after the show?"

She said, "Do you plan to pillage first?"

He looked at the parrot on his shoulder and said, "Ah, Polly, just the treasure I was hunting for: she's a saucy wench, and lovely to behold, too..."

They dated for nearly a year after that.